We learn very early that there are things in life designated as “grown folk stuff.”  Once there existed delineation between the activities of “young folk” and grown folk. Sometimes you wouldn’t know what was reserved for grown folk until you threatened to intrude on it. There were no signs that said, “For Grown Folk Only.”  As a child, you were mostly left to decipher what was grown folk stuff with nothing more than the use of your common sense.  If you saw what looked like as glass of orange juice sitting on a table late in the evening while the Blues blared in the background you’d better stay clear of it. It was highly probably that what was in that glass was for grown folks.  If you suffered the lack of such wisdom, and placed your hand near that glass you would pay a heavy price for grown folk encroachment. Friday’s dawn would usher in grown folk time.  All activities were geared toward the satisfaction of grown folk.  Young folk were thought to have all week to have fun, but Friday night belonged to the grown folk. The music was “grown folk music”, the conversation was “grown folk conversation” and everybody knew what time it was; or whose time it was. So, we thought that being grown meant being old enough to stay up late, drink liquor, smoke cigarettes and listen to the Blues. It would take a lot of living to discover that none of those activities made one grown.  Rather, being grown had more to do with how you carried yourself. To be considered grown you had to know stuff like how to wear your clothes, when to speak and when not to, how to control your emotions, how to show proper respect, and overall how to behave in any social settings.  Basically, grown folk thought and behaved a certain way. 

If you paid attention you could always spot a grown folk impersonator.  There were always a few at every gathering.  You know the type; they would try to look the part, but would quickly be found out.  Either the females put on too much make-up, or the males couldn’t “hold” their liquor. My favorite was when an impersonator would say something trying to sound grown, but end up sounding stupid. The impersonator’s age may have gotten them pass curfew, but they surely were not considered to be grown among the seasoned adults.  It was obvious that some in the grown folk crowd had a little more living to do in order to be worthy of Friday’s dawn.   Impersonators fail to realize that there exists something called grown folk thinking; which cannot be ascertained by an age number. Those who want to be considered grown had better develop a grown-up’s way of thinking. 

The way one begins to think like a grown-up is by first evaluating her or his current thinking status.  That is, to begin asking questions about one’s current view the world. Questions such as: Do you see the world in terms of right versus wrong? Is everything either black, or white?  Do you think that everything should have reasonable explanation? Do you need to know that there are facts that support everything you consider true? If your answer is “yes” to the majority of these you may be old enough to stay up past curfew, drink alcohol, smoke and listen to explicit music, but you are not grown yet.  Education Researcher William Perry Jr. would say that you are at the lowest level of cognitive development.  In other words, you may certainly be an adult by societal standards, but you are still not thinking like a grown-up. Seeing the world in a simplistic way, such as believing that there is only right and wrong, is viewed as absolutism.  Grown folk know that the world has far too many mysteries for us to limit it to absolutes. To think about the world in absolute terms is to shrink existence to the theories of a few gifted intellectual pioneers. Absolutists lack the ability to think critically in the face of real-life conflict.  When confronted with issues like abortion people who think at the lowest cognitive development stage will look to someone else to help them navigate this moral dilemma. A grown-up impersonator at this stage seeks evidence that support their point of view while dismissing evidence that contradict it.  Their world view is largely constructed with a series of biases they have collected from others. Like children, absolutists’ thinkers rely too heavily on others to decipher life.

The good news is people can graduate from this stage. The bad news is most people don’t. Reason being, it is the only mode of thinking they know. Most people find comfort in simplicity, and resist putting their belief system to the test.  Good or bad, right or wrong, they stay where they are.  Never growing up, looking grown, acting grown, but thinking like a child. 

Others who are not afraid to challenge their orientation to life will move to the second stage of cognitive development.  Psychologists refer to this way of thinking as relativism.  These people believe opposite of Absolutists. Relativists think that all truth is relative. Every opinion matters and no one is qualified to judge the perspective of another.  For the relativist the world is vast and cannot be limited to absolutes.  The problem with this mode of thinking is it does not welcome challenge.  Relativists do not like having their ideas challenged or judged. When it comes to controversial issues these thinkers become argumentative, combative and contrary.  Basically, they throw a fit. For this reason, relativist should not hang out with grown folk.

Though relativists can be hard to keep calm they are far better at reasoning than absolutists.  One can have an enriched conversation with relativists; which creates the opportunity for growth.  Thus, there is hope that they will be grown someday.  Being grown would mean that one has reached the highest level of cognitive development, Commitment.  Simply stated, grown folk commit.  Grown folk know that in our world there are a lot of grey areas.  Grown folk also know that all ideas and opinions are not equally valid.  Experts and authority figures make mistakes, and will continue to. Grown folk are aware that uncertainly is woven in the fabric of life, but life must persist in spite of the unknown.  A position can be taken in life as being correct up until it is deemed wrong. When that time comes grown folk are flexible enough to make the necessary adjustment.  Somehow as we mature we understand more fully how complex the world really is. However, grown folk develop the critical thinking skills necessary to cope with an ever changing world that oxymoronically remains the same. People at this stage of commitment thinking accept responsibility for their actions based on what they believe; as a matter of choice. For the grown folk the locust of truth resides within.  Grown folk are not put-off by challenges to their belief system, and view confrontation over ideas as unnecessary.  They are not drunk with their own worldview. Grown folk make room for other perspectives to coexist with their own convictions.  In other words, they know how to “hold their liquor.” When confronted with crisis, controversy, calamity, or the complexities of life we should be ever careful not to intrude on grown folk conversation; though we can legally stay up past curfew.     

 Read (I Corinthians 13:11-12)